doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
