I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
