His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
