"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
