Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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