My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
