he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
