I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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