My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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