Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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