Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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