the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
