My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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