we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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