Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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