I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
