it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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