See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
