why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
