I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
