"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
