Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he fucked my hip out of place.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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