Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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