i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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