im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
