Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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