An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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