I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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