Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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