i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
