when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
