Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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