I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
