Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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