I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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