I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
