we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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