yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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