i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
