I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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