I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
