Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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