she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
