From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
