Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
