y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
