walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
