you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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