I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
