we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
