I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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