He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
