i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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