I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
