So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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